2018 – How Great Thou Art

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

2018…I got into this year singing ‘Great is Thy Faithfulness’ oblivious of the journey that was awaiting me 😂😂😂. And honestly, if I knew what was awaiting me, I think I would have stayed in 2017 while everyone else was crossing over 😄

I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no-one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.
Revelations 3:8

I walked into 2018 with a hop and a skip. It was my year of new beginnings and open doors. Optimism was running through my veins. I could taste the newness. Everything was possible…until it wasn’t.

I could see the door, I could see it opening…but I could not see the path to the door. It felt like there was an abyss of darkness between where I was and the possibilities the door provided. Everything I tried to do to take me one step closer to my door, instead took me two steps further from it. Or so I thought.

The LORD said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.
Genesis 12:1

Well, I did not leave my country, but I left the church I had been attending for about 3 or 4 years. It is the church my family attends. It is the church I served in different capacities. It is the church I learnt the reality of the spiritual realm. It is a church I am grateful for.

Yet, I felt God remove me from there and return me to my First Love whom I was not even aware I had lost. I had lost Him…lost Him in service, lost Him in praise and worship, lost Him in teachings, lost Him in spiritual experiences and lost Him in the Word. I had lost Him in spiritual scars that are just part and parcel of growing up. I had lost Him in familiarity…and in the security of being in the same fellowship as my family. He had become a task, a chore, a tick off my to-do list.

And so God plucked me out of there and returned me to the only church I had ever found for myself. The only church I ever made the conscious decision to join as a member. The first church I ever loved as an adult. And as I walked down the aisle of my first love, I encountered Him, my First Love. He welcomed me home like only He could and I started my journey of rediscovery.

I rediscovered His Voice in my heart and I fell in love once more with His Words that are now so personal to me. I now see Him, I now hear Him and I love Him. I have found Him. He was there all along. He never left, but sometimes a change of environment is required to appreciate just what you take for granted.

Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.
Hebrews 7:25

This year, I flirted with Death. Death…the big bad enemy that we are all guaranteed to face. But in my case, I was facing him prematurely. No, I was not sick…but my soul was ailing. Or was it my mind?

Death…I could hear him calling me. How did I know he was calling me? Because he is not a new enemy. I had faced him in my younger years…and his voice does not change. The voice of Death…it is not a scary voice. It is calm…and even welcoming. He stretched out his hand to me…and I started to stretch out my hand to him. “How do you want to come?” He whispered. “In a quick and painless way,” I replied. “I want to leave this pain, this hurt, this hopelesness…just take me,” I added.

Depression. That was the ‘it’ topic this year. Every talking head had something to say about it. Everyone and their mother had something to say about it and those who gave in to the embrace of Death. They put up social media posts urging their friends to speak to them. How laughable! I laughed, Death laughed, we laughed.

The cloud over me became bigger and darker. Nights were spent in tears, days in bed pleading with God to hold onto me because my faith was failing me. He was growing dimmer and becoming distant. “One more night…then I will slip away,” I decided. So in one last cry, I asked Him who intercedes for me to pray for me just one more time, for I could no longer pray for myself. Then I slept. My one more night became many more nights. Slowly, but surely, light began to cast out the darkness that had engulfed me and His voice became louder than the voice of Death. And hope returned.

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed[…]
Romans 4:18

H.O.P.E. There is nothing worse than losing hope. I am convinced that hopelesness is the beginning of death. But if you can hope…and dream…and hope in hope…then you are living. Hope is for the living, not for the dead. I am living.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ephesians 6:13

2018…the year I learnt to stand. I am not standing by myself. I am standing with Him, my First Love, my True Love. It is by His grace that I am here , standing.

Was 2018 what I hoped for? No. It was tough. It was painful. It was challenging. But, I would not have it any other way. Why? Because I finally learned what it means to cling to God. And in that clinging, my faith was tested and proven. Now I can boldly say like Apostle Paul, “…having nothing, yet possessing everything.” Sometimes you have to lose it all, to realise you actually have everything! And for this reason, my heart can’t help but sing, “My God, how great Thou art!”

Roho yangu, naikuimbie,
Jinsi wewe, ulivyo mkuu,
Roho yangu, naikuimbie,
Jinsi wewe, ulivyo mkuu!

So now here I stand at the border of 2019. I have no idea who 2019 is…I have no clue what gifts she comes with. I do not know her paths. I do not know her voice. But I know her Creator. I know He is good and He is great…and I am content in that knowledge. And so to 2019…I say welcome ☺

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And then proclaim, “My God, how great Thou art.”