I love conversations. I love hearing people’s stories…the good, the bad and the ugly. I love learning from others, teaching others and laughing with others. This week I was privileged to have a conversation on how we self-sabotage our own success. And the saddest bit about this is that we have mastered the different ways by which we do it…
1. The Quitter
I have quite an imagination. When I dream, I dream in colour, texture, emotion and even music. In my dreams, everything is possible. There are no limitations. The only thing my dreams do not take into consideration is reality. After all, it is not a dream if it is realistic…right?
Although my dreams show me the possibilities of my life, I live in the reality of this world. And that is where the clash begins. The clash of how it is supposed to be vs how it is.
And this clash is not easy…it is a battle that forces you to hold on to possibilities while dealing with reality. And when this internal battle overpowers you, it is easy to give up altogether on the dream and quit.
But this is the thing, the one way to guarantee your dreams do not come true is by quitting…so why do we do this?
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Romans 5:3-5
2. The Jeer Leader
Our biggest jeer leaders are often times not others, but ourselves. Once upon a time, I was my own jeer leader. I “protected” myself from disappointment by telling myself that if I expected the worst, then when the worst happened, I would not be disappointed. So, I built a fence of negativities around my expectations. And I justified this using my own life’s experiences.
The only problem was this self preservation technique was hindering me from achieving my goals.
Why?
Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”
Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’
Genesis 18:11-13
Our thoughts are not just thoughts, but voices! And if we allow them, we can give permission to these negative voices to dictate the course of our lives!
3. The Impatient Success Story
We are living in the era of self-help and motivation media. It seems as if almost everyone has a story to share on how they started from the bottom and rose to the top. While such stories are meant to encourage us, a lot of them have erased the “boring” parts of their stories. The bits that talk of waiting, being broke, working repeatedly on the same thing for insane amounts of time i.e. the actual work that led them to their success. After all, it is impossible to cram your life story in a 40 minute talk.
And so, a lot of people are walking about trying to check off the success formula they heard in one of these talks, with the expectation that they too will achieve the same success. Only problem is, life is not a formula.
When the success they are striving for does not come when they believe it should, they lose it.. and look for alternative paths of success which often leads them down the road of destruction.
Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin[…]
Zecchariah 4:10
4. Mr. Negative
This is the offspring of the jeer leader. Not only are their thoughts negative, but so are their words.
They claim they want success in whatever they are doing, but all you have to do is listen to them speak, and hear how they curse themselves with their negative talk.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Proverbs 18:21
Word of caution, do not stay around Mr. Negative. If he will not drain you with his negativity, chances are you too will become negative as you allow him to speak death into your life.
5. The Fear of the Known and Unknown
There are two types of people who let fear rule them. The first have the fear of failure. They are afraid of rejection and failure. Afraid that they will put all their effort in something, only to have it fail.
The others are afraid of success. They know they will be successful in whatever they set their mind to, but they are intimidated by the success.
In both instances, fear rules them, paralyses them and stops them from pursuing their success, as they come up with one excuse after another as to why they are not pursuing their success.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9
Your Turn
Have you identified yourself in any of the above groups?
If yes, are you willing to do something about it and go after your success?
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11