Here. There. Everywhere. That is where I have been. Not physically. That would be a dream. But emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
And as a result, the consistency on this site, on my social media and just generally in life has not been too good.
Here
My heart is in Mirror Wealth. When I close my eyes and dream, it is Mirror Wealth I see. I see her paths, I see her possibilities, I see her future. And I love her. My heart is still here. My heart will always be here, until the future I see for her becomes a present reality.
There
Mental health is important. This year, my mental health has been tried and tested. I did not slip into the darkness of yesteryear, but I came very close to it.
Intense. That is how I would describe my feelings. Positive and negative…the pendulum of my feelings goes from one extreme to the other. I love to laugh and so when I do, I laugh with all that is within me and I have to consciously tell myself to stop. So it is with my tears. I have a well of tears waiting for permission to make their paths down my face. And when they do, let us just say, there is no holding them back.
There. That is where I have been. Allowing my tears to express and release what I cannot put to words. Allowing them to communicate the darkness that I have felt, that has surrounded me and that almost overcame me.
Bottom. My definition of bottom, at least.
Everywhere
Church. First it was once a week, then twice a week and now it is five times a week. My lifeline. My safe place. Peaceful. My mind becomes silent when I am there and my spirit, by His Spirit takes over. Healing, joy and God.
Service. Praying for people when I was in desperate need of prayer. Encouraging people when I needed encouragement. Leading, when I was in need of leadership. A vessel in His hands.
Bed. Sleeping. More than I should. Talking myself into getting out of bed and facing the day. Being proud of drawing the curtains and letting light into my room…into my life. Small victories, but victories nonetheless.
Here. At least once a month…I think.
Therapy. A gift given to me by my concerned sisters.
Where Am I Now?
Learning
Learning to love myself again.
Learning to extend grace to myself.
Learning to encourage myself.
Learning to be patient with myself.
Learning to be kind to myself.
Learning to forgive myself.
Falling in love with me all over again.
Letting Go
Letting go of what was.
Letting go of what should have been, what would have been, what could have been.
Letting go of what should be, will be and can be.
Letting go of the mistakes I have made and with that, the power I gave them.
Accepting
Accepting my life for what it is, and not what I believe it should be.
Accepting that God loves me, just as I am.
Accepting that I am enough.
Accepting that I will never be perfect, and being okay with that.
Trusting
Trusting God.
Trusting His promises.
Trusting His calendar for my life.
Trusting His ways.
Living
Living one day at a time.
At times, one minute at a time.
Living in the realm of Truth, for in Truth is Life.
Living in the here and now while being encouraged by the future that lies ahead of me.
Knowing that I shall not die but live to proclaim the goodness of the Lord in my life.
God bless you ☺