When you believe in God, but don’t believe Him

I believe in God. I believe that He is  a holy trinity comprised of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. As a born again Christian, I believe in the second coming of Christ. He is my Savior and Redeemer. I believe in God and I love Him ( some days more than others.)

But there are days when I simply don’t believe Him. On these days I get very sad and I feel rejected. Let me explain. I believe in who He is, I just sometimes struggle with who He is to me, as Noni. Sometimes in my relationship with Him, I feel like a girlfriend starved of affection and love. I see His greatness, His love and His power on others, but not on me. And it is not jealousy of others. If anything, I celebrate their victories and blessings. In fact I believe in who God says He is, so much so that I can believe Him for others, just not for myself. I don’t know if this is low spiritual esteem or not, but there are times I have a hard time believing He will come through for me.

“Will the Lord reject forever?
    Will he never show his favor again?
 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
    Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
    Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

 (Psalm 77:7-9)

The other day I was in church when one of the pastors said that Jesus was going to do a supernatural act for us that week and that we would share our testimonies the following Sunday. What was the first thing I did? I rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah right, as if!” I honestly did not believe that word was for me. If anything I thought the pastor was trying to get a reaction from the congregation.

Sometimes you fight some battles for so long that you become numb to them and accept the fact that maybe the situation you are fighting may just be your new normal. You have prayed, fasted, praised, worshiped, cast down, bound, loosed ( you get my drift…) You have received confirmation that God is aware of your situation. And if He is aware of your situation, He will either solve it or give you grace to go through it. But sometimes you feel as though the grace has been lifted and you no longer have strength to go through the situation anymore. So you become bedfellows with what was once your enemy and you stop the fight. And when you are in this spot, the last thing you want to hear is a good intention-ed fellow Christian telling you, “God is saying…” Because frankly, you just don’t believe Him.

So what do you do when you are in this predicament?

You remember all the good things God has done for you in the past. Literally, take a pen and a paper and write down all the things He has ever done for you, no matter how small, and you thank Him for them. As you do this, you will see that not only can you believe  in God, but you can believe Him as well. He is the God who said He will never leave you, nor forsake you. And you can trust Him because His name is Faithful and True. He will remain faithful to you, even on those days when you want nothing to do with Him and are struggling to believe anything He is telling you.

I encourage you to read Psalm 77. God bless you all.